literature

Contemplating Marriage

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Literature Text

Why do I want to marry him?
I love him with all my heart.
We work so well together. We make a great team.
He makes me feel better.
He makes me want to be a better person.
I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with him.
I want to have his babies and learn to raise a family with him.
I want to heal his hurts the way he heals mine.
I want to be the one he comes to with his problems.
I want to share my problems with him.
Because I’ve grown so much with him in the past two years and learned so much from him, and I want to keep growing and learning beside him. I want to deepen our relationship, take a chance and rely on nothing but hope, hard work, and our mutual bond to see us through. I want the adventure and romance that is marriage. I want the stress and pain, too. I want it all, damn it! I WANT IT WITH HIM!
What’s so wrong with that?!
Does he feel the same way?
Does he see marriage as a prison?
Does he think I will change and become a horrible person?
I’ll get stressed out at times. I may scream at him out of frustration. I may rail against him for some silly inconsequential reason during a certain time of the month. I may hurt his feelings, too. I’m not perfect. But I’ll always apologize. I’ll always try to mend the hurt I cause. I’ll always try to show him my love even in the hardest times. I’m human. I’ll screw up. So will he. But I’ll always forgive his mistakes and always seek his forgiveness. I’ll learn to keep my cool more and treat him with understanding and patience even when I’m vexed. But that kind of devotion takes time and hard work to build. It takes marriage and all it entails.
I say that nothing is going to change…but how can it not?
Marriage is a huge change. It’s not the same as just living under the same roof with someone. It’s combining two lives, two separate individuals, and two souls. What’s mine will become his. What’s his will be mine. We’ll be responsible for and accountable to each other. We’ll be inextricably linked. When others see one of us, they’ll expect to see the other nearby.
But how is that any different from what we have now? (At least that’s how I feel.) Sometimes, I feel like we are already married. We just neglected to file the paperwork. But then I realize that it isn’t the same. We’re missing an important step here. The act of getting married is a threshold we have yet to cross.
I tell everyone I meet that I am taken. I brag about him and pronounce that he belongs to me. I make damn sure all the women around me know that he is mine and he is off limits. But is our relationship wholly exclusive yet?
He doesn’t wear my ring. I wear his, but it’s not the right one. The one that says I’m taken and there’s no room for anyone else in my heart. Just him. His soul. His body. His love. Mine. His.
That’s all I want. I want to belong to him in every way. I want to put my mark on him. I want him to want to mark me too.
I’m proud to have his love. I want everyone to know. And damn what they think. I just want them to know.
Is he proud to have my love? Does he want the world to know I’m his?
Does HE think about these things too?
So I love this guy, and I'm waiting for him to pop the question. Hence, these random thoughts pass through my mind frequently.  
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Lovely work, thank you for submitting it to the Weekly Review; I'm publishing it in today's issue.